Monday, April 13, 2009

aahh...girls night out

So, I had a girls night out on Friday night with some of my younger, single friends. A night like old times. Getting dressed up; me sans heels of course. Not starting the night until 10 pm, going to Cleos for pre-drinks; then spy bar for a little indie/ hip-hop dancing. This used to be a regular thing for us girls, but not for me since I can't drink anymore. So, this Friday, I would be the designated driver/ wrangler of drunk girls. Little did I know that instead of babysitting the drunkards, I would be swarmed by the creepiest of creepiest guys; defending them off with a sober coldness that just kept me wondering what the hell was going on.

Guy number one: tall, white button down shirt, untucked. Just plain goofy looking. He barges through the crowd over to my friend and I and uses this line: "Did you just break out of jail?" ( I was wearing a black and white striped tank top) I looked at my friend puzzled. He then proceeds to turn to her and ask her if she was a mermaid. ( she was wearing a sequined tank top) At this point, I turn to him and say yes, I just now broke out of jail and yes, she is a mermaid. He then asks how we met. In turn, I say, "Well, while I was breaking out of jail, I had to swim across the ocean and that's how I met my mermaid friend." REALLY?! Mind you, all of what I said was dry and dripping with sarcasm. He walked away.

Guy number two: We were sitting at the bar and this man who clearly looked like he could be my dad and maybe gay, cuts in between my friends and I to introduce not only himself, but his friend as well. WTF is going on!? At this point, I just roll my eyes and he leaves me alone.

Guy number three: oh this is a good one. While standing by the DJ booth, a very creepy guy comes over and just starts looking me up and down all while saying "Oh ya. Oh ya." Then, he proceeds to pretend film me with his pretend video camera. I'm not even sure what to say to this because it is just so absurd.

At this point, I turn to my friends and ask them if being pregnant makes you secrete some crazy hormone. Do these guys not see that I am clearly showing. (OK, maybe to them it looks like I have a beer gut, but still)

On to guys number four, five, and six: I was left standing by myself and these three thugged out guys encircled me, all introducing themselves with words like: yo mammi, etc.. I started getting panicky and over heated, so I pushed my way through.

Now I was pissed. I feel so bad for this last guy. I'm sure that he might not have been coming over to hit on me. He probably wanted to tell me that I dropped something. However, as he approached, I started yelling "Back the fuck up. I'm pregnant!" I'm sure I said some other not so nice things to him that were in the heat of the moment, but I just wanted to get my point across.

I had a good time Friday night; I just wish guys would take a little closer look at the bump and realize that it isn't happening. Maybe they should have tried one of my drunker, nonpregnant friends.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

nesting (or new ways to drive your man crazy)

So, i'm pregnant. About 13 weeks. I moved into the baby daddy's house. Okay, my boyfriend's house, to sound more proper. He owns it and has lived here for 5 years. We have a roommate (he's moving soon!!!). Now, let me start by saying: THE HOUSE WAS STILL DECORATED BY HIS EX WIFE. What sane man would move his now knocked up girlfriend into a house with her ugly (i'm not being mean, just truthful) decorations everywhere. Do you see where hormonal, crazed girlfriend could have issues. I think that I have went about suggesting redecorating as nicely and smoothly as possible. I started with our bedroom obviously. No problems there. Then the living room, okay. Now we have come to what one could only be describe as the bike room. Yes, a bicycle room for storing bicycles. Why? Well, they are expensive. I get it. However, there is a way we can utilize this room for the kids, computer, and bikes without looking like I just walked into a mechanics garage two feet off the living room.

Here is the kicker: he's okay with me organizing the room. Awesome, i know! It might have something to do with the fact that his hormonal, crazed girlfriend (ya, ya. I'm pregnant) Starts crying hysterically the moment I think he is going to say no. Think is the key word in that sentence; he hasn't said no. But, I still lose it. I cried when I asked for bookcases and he wasn't sure they would fit on the wall I was talking about. I cried to the point of not being able to breathe when I asked him to build me what basically would be a rectangle box for strorage. FYI: He said to just buy it instead. ( He does work full time and has full custody of a four year old)

Lesson to learn here....... if your going to knock someone up, make sure your house is already decorated. It will be one less thing for her to cry over. (and trust me, there are plenty of things that make pregnant women cry)

Friday, April 3, 2009

wendys, law school, or prositution (it is the worlds oldest profession)

So, I'm unemployed. It's a long story. One that I would rather not go into at this point because it will just make me angry and irritated. I have been on 15-20 interviews in the past couple of weeks. YES. 15- 20 interviews. Now, most people are saying things like "Wow, atleast you are getting an interview." Really!? To me, it is beginning to seem like I am failing miserably once I get to the interview processs. I have found that there are three things that I keep hearing over and over again. 1. I am overqualified 2. I do not have recent clerical experience 3. They have many other people to interview, so after that, they will be making their decision.

Now, let me address them starting with number three. Ya, I know you probably have other people to see and interview, but I am sick of hearing this and never getting a call back. I guess it's the standard "I'll call you, don't call me" let down.

Number two: I do not have recent clerical experience. WTF???? My last office job was 4 years ago. Please, someone out there tell me what has changed in land of office equipment in the past four years. Is the new MSOffice some, crazy hard program to use? Are fax machines now run by tiny robots that I don't know how to operate? Wait, I got it, it's the answering phone part, isn't it? I still need an explanation for all this new technology.

Number one: I AM overqualified. I know this. I am an educated woman, who holds a bachelor's degree from the University of Florida. Not too shabby. So, i know I am overqualified. I know the job market sucks and I need a job. Oh, did I mention the part about being pregnant. So ya, I need a job. I have no problem sitting there answering your really advanced phone system (see rant above) knowing that I have four years of school behind me. I don't care right now that I am overqualified. I would have never applied to your crappy, barely over minimum wage job if I didn't already know what I was getting myself into. Note to employers: Do you really think I don't know that I am overqualified???? Maybe these employers should get with the employers that think that I do not have recent clerical experience and beat their heads on their desks until they come up with a better line.