So, I had a girls night out on Friday night with some of my younger, single friends. A night like old times. Getting dressed up; me sans heels of course. Not starting the night until 10 pm, going to Cleos for pre-drinks; then spy bar for a little indie/ hip-hop dancing. This used to be a regular thing for us girls, but not for me since I can't drink anymore. So, this Friday, I would be the designated driver/ wrangler of drunk girls. Little did I know that instead of babysitting the drunkards, I would be swarmed by the creepiest of creepiest guys; defending them off with a sober coldness that just kept me wondering what the hell was going on.
Guy number one: tall, white button down shirt, untucked. Just plain goofy looking. He barges through the crowd over to my friend and I and uses this line: "Did you just break out of jail?" ( I was wearing a black and white striped tank top) I looked at my friend puzzled. He then proceeds to turn to her and ask her if she was a mermaid. ( she was wearing a sequined tank top) At this point, I turn to him and say yes, I just now broke out of jail and yes, she is a mermaid. He then asks how we met. In turn, I say, "Well, while I was breaking out of jail, I had to swim across the ocean and that's how I met my mermaid friend." REALLY?! Mind you, all of what I said was dry and dripping with sarcasm. He walked away.
Guy number two: We were sitting at the bar and this man who clearly looked like he could be my dad and maybe gay, cuts in between my friends and I to introduce not only himself, but his friend as well. WTF is going on!? At this point, I just roll my eyes and he leaves me alone.
Guy number three: oh this is a good one. While standing by the DJ booth, a very creepy guy comes over and just starts looking me up and down all while saying "Oh ya. Oh ya." Then, he proceeds to pretend film me with his pretend video camera. I'm not even sure what to say to this because it is just so absurd.
At this point, I turn to my friends and ask them if being pregnant makes you secrete some crazy hormone. Do these guys not see that I am clearly showing. (OK, maybe to them it looks like I have a beer gut, but still)
On to guys number four, five, and six: I was left standing by myself and these three thugged out guys encircled me, all introducing themselves with words like: yo mammi, etc.. I started getting panicky and over heated, so I pushed my way through.
Now I was pissed. I feel so bad for this last guy. I'm sure that he might not have been coming over to hit on me. He probably wanted to tell me that I dropped something. However, as he approached, I started yelling "Back the fuck up. I'm pregnant!" I'm sure I said some other not so nice things to him that were in the heat of the moment, but I just wanted to get my point across.
I had a good time Friday night; I just wish guys would take a little closer look at the bump and realize that it isn't happening. Maybe they should have tried one of my drunker, nonpregnant friends.
Adonis and The Boar
2 weeks ago